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Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Westchester County
Barbie Dolls:
Verplank Barbie: This pale model comes dressed
in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small,
a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light
and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit
over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass
when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck
separately and get a confederate flag bumper
sticker absolutely free.
Croton Barbie: This doll is made of actual
tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-
less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers
that you call her "Willow". She does not want
or need a Ken doll,but if you purchase the
optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag
sticker for free.
Peekskill Barbie: This English-as-a-Second-
Language Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with
expired temporary plates and three baby
Barbies' in the back seat, but no car seats.
The optional Ken doll comes with a paint-bucket
lunch pail and is missing three fingers on his left hand.
Green cards are not available for Peekskill Barbie or Ken.
Yonkers Barbie: This gum chewing, brassy-haired
Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled
sandals with one broken heel from the time she
chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Elmwood Park
Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise
acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-
through halter top.
Bedford Barbie: This princess Barbie is only
sold at Nordstroms in the Westchester Mall. She
comes with an assortment of Kate Spade
handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named
Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or
without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold
only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
Tarrytown Barbie: This doll comes with a
complimentary EZ Pass for her leased car, as
well as a monthly pass for Metro-North.
Yorktown Barbie: This modern-day homemaker
Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily
and has no full time occupation or secondary
education. Traffic-jamming cell phone
included, headset sold separately.
White Plains Barbie: This doll is quite a
bargain as she comes not only with her own car,
but with her own parking space too! The only
problem is that the spot is a 3 mile walk from
her $3,000/month studio apartment 4 miles from
the train station.
Mt. Vernon Barbie: This recently paroled
former "Porn Actress" Barbie comes with a 9mm
handgun, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and
a methlab kit. This model is only
available after dark and can only be paid for
in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills.
Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what
you are talking about.
Scarsdale Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with
your choice of Mercedes convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit
card, and country club membership. Also
available for this set are Shallow Ken and
Private School Skipper. You won't be able to
afford any of them.
Rye Barbie: Available only in the Summer,
nobody is quite sure if Rye exists throughout
the rest of the year. She comes wearing a
tennis outfit and with her own boat.
Dobbs Ferry Barbies: There are actually two
models available. One is a duplicate of the
Yorktown Barbie, and the other is a duplicate
of the Croton model.
lol idk if this is true.. in the email i got it said it was but its . probley not... but that would be soo f*ckin funny.if it was lol.. please tell me where i can get a verplanck one!!!!
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